The Power of Questions

Continuing to practice communication with the goal of creating a shared understanding and building relationships, create a deeper knowledge of another with OEEQ’s (open-ended, empowering questions).

Questions can be used to clarify, to deepen the discussion, to be actively engaged in a discussion with another, and to challenge another’s view of a topic.  But, for this effective communication skill, one must fully understand the various parts that make up OEEQs. 

• Open-ended means the speaker can only reply with more than a one/two-word response. Instead of asking “How was your day” (closed question), consider “What was the best part of your day” or “What part of your day was most interesting?” The first question allows for a good/bad response, whereas the other two questions give the person a chance to consider specific aspects of day, and the response will be more than a one-word reply.   

• The engaging part of the OEEQ reflects a neutral or positive note, instead of focusing of the negative side. Moving from problem focus to solution focus; addressing today and future instead of ruminating on the past; asking what or how instead of why.  Engaging gives the person a chance to find alternatives that bring choice and optimally, action. 

Often, as a coach, I connect paraphrasing and clarifying with questions. As examples, let’s refer back to last week’s ‘listening’ blog and those activities.  Consider some of these questions to help clarify, or to provide a new way to see a situation, or to support the other person in their confidence that they can find their own solutions.  Have fun practicing the art of OEEQ to create shared understanding!

1. When you have been listening for the emotions behind the words, and your goal is to build relationships and create a shared understand you may consider:

a.     It sounds to me like you have some emotions around this topic; what are the top thoughts or feelings you have as you tell me about this?

b.     I appreciate your delight in this; how were you able to make this happen?

c.      This is so incredibly sad.  What can I do to support you? Or What do you need right now?

2.  When you are listening for alignment of body language, emotions, and the words; and your goal is to build relationships and create a shared understanding, you may consider:   

a.     I’m hearing words that sound angry, but I am sensing more disappointment. What is going on here? 

b.     I’m seeing a calm body and a relaxed voice, but the story you shared is really disturbing.  What is really going on as you process this?

c.      I see frustration and anger.  Both make perfect sense.  What is one thing you can do to improve this situation?

3.  When you are listening with interest being fully present, and your goal is to create a shared understanding, there are some simple phrases to prompt the speaker to continue.

a.     Tell me more.

b.     What else is important here?

c.      What did we not discuss but is relevant and important to you?

d.     Who are some of the other players that made this success happen?

4.  When listening for words you know and to make sure you and the speaker are on same page:

a.     You discuss ______, what does that actually mean to you?

b.     I understand _______ to mean _______; how would you define it?

c.      I hear you say ___________.  Can you explain more about that?

5.  When listening and you hear words you are not familiar with:

a.     What do you mean by_______________?

b.     I’m not familiar with the term, _______________, will you give me a quick summary of that?

c.      I appreciate your vocabulary.  I have to stop you and ask you to explain  _____ and ____ as it relates to this story.

Open-ended questions can be used also to move the speaker to take action.  For instance:

1.     If there was one thing you would do right now to fix this, what would that be?

2.     If you were hearing this story from your (patient, spouse, coworker, etc.) what advice would you give them?

3.     When in the past have you had something similar happen?  What actions did you take then? 

4.     I know you have lots of ideas around this.  What is the first step you need to take to get you moving in solving this?